Proselytizing Happiness

We had our first dinner guest last night! It was great, the house is ALMOST orderly. We still need to have a housewarming party, but we need to install handles on our kitchen cabinets, and I still need to go to Ikea to exchange some lights so we can install them and bolt our bookshelves to the wall.

Cancer stuff is not exciting. I am going to go to a Survivor Party this evening held by my breast surgeon. Tripple chemo whammy today with all three treatments that I am getting. And next week I am going to attend a presentation put on by the head of Oncology at Georgetown University Hospital.

From meeting a variety of women with breast cancer, it seems that there are two paths to dealing with the disease. You either try to get ALL in info you can, stay on top of treatments, new clinical trial results, know all the dosages for the medicines you receive, and attend colloquiums or conferences. Or, you don't delve deeply into anything, don't seek out second opinions, and are just anxious to lodge the experience firmly in the past. It is hard to tell which is better, the first makes me FEEL better, but cancer is personal, and everyone has to do what makes them emotionally able to cope.

This brings me to a lady called Barbara Ehrenreich, and a book called, Bright Sided. She has been in the paper, NPR, and the Daily Show, so I feel that I have heard her arguments fairly thoroughly, and I have to disagree with most of them. She wrote, Nickle and Dimed, one of the best books I have ever read and ought to be REQUIRED READING IN HIGHSCHOOL, so I have so much respect for her.

She be lives that not only does the forced, “smile or die” cheerfulness of the breast cancer culture infantilize women, she argues, it can do them harm, by making them feel guilty for “failing” to heal themselves by staying positive. She hates all this voodoo that just thinking something can make a physical impact in the world, and states (quite rightly), that there is no physical proof by quantum physics or any science to substantiate.

She was diagnosed with breast cancer, and it seems like she had a horrible experience with all the "stay positiveness" that is pushed by the greater breast cancer movement. Breast Cancer Support is one of the most highly organized movements, and they do push their pink fuzziness a lot. I think she got sick of people trying to cheer her up, so she wrote a book basically saying that positivity was a delusion akin to organized religion, and she didn't like being proselytized to.

Which I understand. For instance, I love talking to Kenji, because I can make comments like, "if I die..." without worrying about hurting my family, or eliciting the typical over exaggerated response like,"OH NO! Don't say that! You are going to be fine! You have such a great attitude, you will overcome this." Very few people can hear me say, "If I die.." and take it with the same attitude as if I had said, "If it rains."

That being said, I do not want to begin every sentence or though with a stated or implied,"If I die." I don't want to die in the next five years, although statistically things aren't in my favor, I would prefer to operate as if I was in the minority statistic rather than the majority. So I make plans, talk about kids, bought a house, think about a dog, think about where the future might take my husband and I, etc. While I do appreciate doses of realism, I take small, infrequent doses.

She stated on the radio the other day that she took nothing from breast cancer, and hated all this BS about cancer teaching so much or opening up new doors, etc. She hated this imposition that she was supposed to take something from her experience with breast cancer. I say she is wrong.

She was bitter about getting diagnosed. We all were. But for instance, if my car breaks down and I need to change my tire, I am going to be pissed about it, but in a week I am going to be laughing about it and say, "Thank goodness for my iphone, I sat in my car, watched a YouTube video on how to change a tire, and I changed to spare right on the street without any help!" It would be a opportunity, a learning experience.

For me, and again I reiterate the personal experience of cancer, I have reaped so much from the experience. I spent quality time with my family, I revamped my diet and the way I think about nutrition, I re-prioritized my life, I became closer to my friends, I have discovered an interest in biology and body chemistry. Never would have happened otherwise. If I had a choice, I wouldn't "do it all over again," but I am not going to deny that their was a MAJOR silver living.

The ONLY interesting thing that she brought to my attention was that she alleges that there is no connection between mood and the immune system. I don't know why I am under the impression that there is. I haven't seen empirical data. I feel that I have read it, but it could be just a myth that has been perpetuated, like oranges and Vitamin C, or poisoned Halloween home baked Halloween Cookie treats (yes, that NEVER happened, just an Urban Myth that has caused parents to toss hundreds of thousands of perfectly baked cookies out of Trick or Treat Bags for the last 3 decades). I will explore more and report! Would love to hear any feedback from anyone who has thoughts.