Roadtrip with my hubby and my tata

So left boob. It is my last weekend with you.

I would have loved to go somewhere and give you a tan, but instead I am going to save money and go to Hot Springs, Arkansas (See photo) instead. You will still be pampered (baths in luscious warm mineral waters), but it is more of a subdued last hurrah!

I am still not sure how I feel about loosing my breast.

Part of me doesn't give a shit. My ass was always a better asset (no pun intended) than my breasts. I hated them anyway, part of getting teased mercilessly in middle school for being flat chested(and even in high school by the HPA student-body president for Christ's sake). I think that is why I like Latin America. The "bunda" is so much sexier there than boobs. My figure gets much more attention there than in the states.

However, part of me is a little upset. Not because I am going to feel butchered or disfigured, but just in general about the betrayal of my own body. It is an like a subconcious/unconscious suicide.

I don't understand why the definition of amputee only is for the limbs, and excludes woman who loose their breasts. I think while maybe physically not as limiting, it is a huge psychological loss for the female identity. Gotta petition Webster about that.

So what happens after this?

Not sure. Depends on the pathology report from the surgery.

One of the hardest parts about this is not being in control of your future. And I know all the bullshit about, "Well, you never know when you might be in a car accident." But that knowledge that a freak accident might occur doesn't really steal planning for your future away from you, does it? People still apply to college, have kids, raise ferrets ( I know that was random, but that is what popped into my head).

I am a big dreamer, I love to plan (everyone knows I always have Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, Plan D all mapped out and ready for implementation or modification. Planning for the future keeps me going and happy and passionate.

And that has been taken from me. I could barely plan a weekend for my husband and me, and that was almost thwarted by my stupid blood counts.

I have been relegated to the present, and only to the present. I know that is some sort of state of nirvana, living in the now a major achievement, blah blah blah, but I want to plan! I want to work at a job! I want to travel on a cheap weekend fare! I want to see my friends when I want to! I want to have a cold beer cause it is hot outside! I want to take a nap because I want to, not because I need to!

Okay, enough Dana.

Positivity needed. Laughter needed. Oh! Which reminds me! The Office is on tonight! Gonna dish up some dinner and see what Michael Scott does next. Remember:

‘If you don’t know a Michael Scott, then you are a Michael Scott."