OMG What a Bitch!

Today I had my chemotherapy port put in. Luis' best friend drove me to the hospital because Luis was taking care of errands in Dallas. I mentioned the port in a post several days ago, but chemo ports do a better job of protecting the veins from very harsh chemicals. Crappy thing is that it is a surgical process to implant. So here I am prepped for surgery!

I came out pretty groggy and a little sore, but I did remember the oh-so-lovely feeling of the anesthesia just taking over. There is no way I could be a doctor. With access to so many cool drugs, I don't think I couldn't control myself.

So I came out really groggy, and went over to the other center to get my chemo, and this is where Dana the Bitch from Hell started to emerge.

First, they couldn't do chemo on me because I arrived too late from my surgery. Then, I was told had to wait 40 minutes at Costco for them to fill my prescription, which I couldn't understand because it had been called in 2 hours prior.

And then, I started to hurt. I mean, really hurt.

And then our car broke down.

So I am in tremendous pain, with tubes hanging out of my body, and my piece of crap VW breaks down. Just overheats and dies. . . .And if ANYONE knows my history with VWs, as soon as they come into my possession (they can be straight off the factory line), they start dying a slow death.

Since we couldn't do chemo, I told my mom to drive directly to my part of town rather than up to McKinney. My mother has a slight obsession with tacos from Jack-In-The-Box. I know, right? WTF?

So that is where she is when I call her from the cell phone. Jack-In-The-Box. Luis is hunched over the engine, trying to use his manly powers to get the car to telepathically tell him why it just upped and died.

The pain is starting to stab up my neck, and I am too infuriated to figure out how to explain to my mom where we are, so I start screaming directions to her that make no sense because she isn't from this area.

My mom finally manages to make sense from my directions (for example, "Turn right at the light two streets before where I had my car accident), and I now have another person to whom to direct my fury, since Luis decided to ignore my screaming rant against German car companies who sacrifice precision to have their factories in Mexico and are producing pieces of crap.

I walk up to her and she immediately knows that it is the pain talking, so she says, "Dana, do you have your pain medication?"

I retort, "Of course I do, do you think I am so stupid I lost already?"

She smiles at me and says, "I have a diet coke in the car if you want to take your pills."

And I scream, "I hate Diet Coke, I have never drank Diet Coke, and I won't drink diet coke! I am only going to take my pain pills at home with distilled water!"

So Luis slams down the hood and says, "Let's go home, and I'll drive back here and deal with this."

I get into my mother's rental and I mutter, "Yea, you deal with it for once. It's always me solving car problems." Which is totally a lie, but I feel a lot better for saying it.

So we get home, and I tell my mom that towing it is going to be really expensive because I let my AAA card expire. So my mom calls AAA, and it is still valid, while Luis calls his friend who is really good with cars. I crawl onto the sofa, holding my head upright with my hands because the muscles in my neck hurt to much to take the weight, and announce, "For once, I am not going to solve any problems here. It is MY day and it is your turn to deal with all this shit."

Luis raises his eyebrows at my mom, which pisses me off to no end, but before I can say anything, he is out the door. My mom brings me a water and my Propoxy, which I down without saying thank you.

I turn on House, which I have TiVo-ed, and then my phone starts to ring. I reject every call, and start screaming to my mom how people won't stop calling me and why do they all do it at the same time, and they have to be doing it on purpose because it is statistically impossible that all calls to my phone happen during the same 30 minutes of each day.

But then, the pain pills start to kick in. I took another, and then a bit later a half. And then I began to feel a calm, and I realized how much I love opiates. And then my rational brain started working, and I replayed in my head how horrible I had just been to my mother, who has flown several thousand miles to take care of me on a red-eye and hasn't had a wink of sleep.

So, flying just a little high, I apologized to everyone, gave my mom lots of kisses, picked out the book my mother and I are reading at chemo tomorrow, and hopefully made everyone feel a little better.

In my defense, I seriously have not thrown a tantrum like that since my wedding. And I do believe a yearly tantrum is recommended to keep you sane, especially in circumstances like these.

So, moving on . . . chemo update tomorrow! Don't miss it ;)